I was waiting to write again until things felt perfect again. I was trying to wait until I felt encouraged and encouraging. I was trying to wait until I got a revelation from God to share. I was trying to wait until the rivers of tears stopped and the salt stains on my cheeks disappeared into my pillows.

I didn’t write because I was afraid to show that the encourager needed encouraging. I was afraid to show that I am not perfect, even though I boldly proclaim it. I was afraid to show that sometimes I am slow to take the advice I give. But, here I am. These are the times writers stop writing and walk away, because real is getting too real.

Ladies, I need God just as much as if not more than the next woman. I found myself on my hiatus, re-reading the blog posts I shared and really needing them. Even now. As I chatted on the phone with My Elizabeth, I asked the question, “What do I have to do now to fix what is wrong with me?” and just before her phone died, she said, “God already told you.” “The Waiting Game,” was Him already telling me, “Protect the In Between(s),” was him already telling me. ALL the blog post was him already telling me how to change and remain changed. I had to re-read and check myself. I had to check the faulty beliefs I still held about God and his goodness. I still have to fight time and delay to remember that God’s promises are yes and amen. I have to still fight lies, but God has already shown me how. Now, I just need the strength to do. I just need to believe.

I need to believe that my worship still gets the attention of Holy God, so I must worship. I need to believe that a new song will come with a right perspective of who God is, so I must gain right perspective and open my mouth with a new song of worship to my King. I need to believe that my creation role is to be a wife. I did not put it there, I was assigned it when God assigned me the gender of woman. My desire to be a wife is not bad but holy. I just need to control it so it does not control me. Enjoying aspects of helpmeet behavior like cleaning my home, cooking meals, and learning to submit to male authority are to my benefit. It is not wrong to practice what i believe unto Holy God, as the Bride of Christ, as I hold the hope that it will manifest in the earth, so I must hope. I need to believe that prioritizing talking with God, reading His word, asking questions, and waiting for answers is good and will mature me in all areas of life; giving me understanding of who I am in Christ and who He is. I must prioritize with joy the hot pursuit of the heart of God.

Sisters, I need God so badly it hurts. The only tool satan is wielding at me is time. But right perspective will remind me that time is a gift from God, not a weapon of the devil. How I use the gift of time determines everything.

So with my time, I’m going back. I am going back to every single post to remind myself of the love of God for me. I am going back to the Book of John so I can find him intimately as my Sustainer, my Bread of Life. I am going back to strap on the armor of God. I am going back to engage with God in the evil and fallen world, and I am going back to pack more oil for the journey ahead, that I don’t know how long I’ll be on. If I’m going to be a virgin, I may as well be a wise one.

If you are a firm believer in Christ, pray for my heart. Pray that I be strengthened as a woman of His word. Pray that I be a doer and not a hearer only. Pray that the eyes of my heart will be enlightened. Pray that I remain.

You may be in a place like me right now of sheer desperation to get “it” right and be perfect. We will not be perfect until we are with Him, but we can ever press towards the mark of the high calling in Jesus Christ. Let’s change our perspective about how we view our right now. Lets do the first works we did when we said “yes” to God. Let’s pray with all our hearts, sing out loud to his ear, fast because we need to and want to, hold complaints and turn them to praise. Let’s take the Word for what it says before we got too deep, yet not forsaking the proper understanding God gave us for His Truth. Success apart from God is failure. You only fail when you quit trying… to please GOD. When it is between pleasing man and pleasing God, man must fail every time to experience true success. We are going to make it. you and Jesus, me and Jesus, us and Our Father. We will come through this as pure gold.

I am asking for supernatural miracles, so I must be strengthened by the supernatural God, to demonstrate supernatural faithfulness, and experience the hopes that my heart holds onto. No one else can do it for me. No one else can do it for you. How bad do you want Him? Me? I want Him like I want my next breath, so it’s time for me to live like it.

Psalm 63:8 King James Version (KJV)

⁸ My soul followeth hard after thee: thy right hand upholdeth me.

#howrealistooreal #realreal #followhardafterGod #doer